There’s No Such Thing as a Bad Emotion
““All of our emotions show up for a reason . . . there is no such thing as a bad emotion.””
What do you think of this statement from one of my favorite teachers and coaches? Do you agree?
If you’re anything like me, you may find that your conscious mind agrees, but you have some pretty strong parts of yourself that don’t. Or perhaps you immediately disagree.
“Anger is a bad emotion,” you think. “I shouldn’t feel it, and I certainly shouldn’t allow it to be a motivation for my actions.”
“Grief is a terrible emotion; that’s why I’m never going to ___________ (fall in love, have a pet, risk losing a friend by saying something truthful that they don’t like, etc.) again. It’s WAY too hard to feel that kind of pain.”
“Resentment? Well, that’s just wrong. Resentment is definitely a bad emotion.”
“Pride? No way. Must be avoided at all costs. After all, ‘pride goeth before a fall.’”
You may have your own special list of exceptions to Marina’s statement that there are no bad emotions.
But I can guarantee you that whatever your forbidden emotion is I believe it has INCREDIBLE value.
In fact, in my experience, the uncomfortable and forbidden emotions are usually GOLD MINES (gold mines that aren’t exploitative but result in resources shared equitably, helping whole communities and the Earth to THRIVE, of course, not the colonialist kind).
I’ve written about this before and I’ll do it again, to include in my book Feel Better. Do Better. If you have it check out Chapter 4 where I talk about the value of your emotions as guides to move you towards the life you long to live.
Why am I such a broken record on the subject of feeling uncomfortable emotions?
Because I want you to get unstuck.
I want you to feel more joy and delight than you think is possible.
I want you to have so much energy and capacity for the work you want to do in the world that it seems as if you’re aging backwards.
Because the work you want to do? It matters.
The joy you want to feel? It will spread.
The fun you want to create? Sooooo many people (myself included) need you to get out there and express that gift you have for creating playful fun in the most unexpected places—like right in the middle of a serious religious service, or a stodgy corporate board meeting or smack in the middle of a refugee camp, or, yes, right in your living room if that’s what lights you up.
Because what lights you up will light other people up too.
And the paradoxical truth is that you can’t get your full dose of joy and fun without feeling ALL the feelings. We’re not wired to be able to shut off some emotions while staying open to others.
You can’t be a conduit for the powerful energy of Life if you stop up some of the most powerful energies available to you time and time again, leaving your body tight, contracted, numb, or in pain—or all of the above.
My invitation to you is to practice feeling it all. Actually practice.
Practice noticing what the uncomfortable feeling feels like in your body:
Is it hot? Does it make your chest vibrate and your hands clench? Do you feel pressure from the tears that well up behind your eyes? Does your body want to kick or scream? Is the heaviness in your chest literally weighing you down?
Notice that you don’t have to tell a big story about the emotion. You probably ARE telling a big story about it, but you don’t HAVE to.
IT’S. ALL. OKAY.
So instead of telling a big story about this feeling, you could choose to notice that this emotion is connected to some sensations and urges in your body. And you can choose to let those sensations process through your body.
How? By moving and sounding.
And yes, I mean literally move. Stretch, dance, stomp, shake—whatever your body wants to do. And literally make noise—yell, cry. Pretend you ARE your heavy heart and let it pull you down to the earth if it needs to. Turn on some music to help you move if you’re feeling really stuck.
Movement and sound help your big, uncomfortable emotions show you what matters to you.
They help you to let go of things, people or situations that aren’t working for your life anymore.
Here’s to thriving and equity, and all the big feelings that go along with the journey to both.
RELATED READINGS:
Anger is My Personal Trainer
Anger—One Of Your Soul's Best Friends
